Hello there reader, and welcome back to ‘Always’. It’s been a few weeks that I have last published, and yes, I have restarted this blog. To those who wonder about the title, let me tell you that the last few weeks have been that if introspection, realisation, and I’ve made an important discovery about my sexuality. So yes, this is taking a lot off me to write- and in a way, this, here, is my coming out story.
If I’ve ever noticed any pattern in the infatuations I’ve had throughout my puberty, is that I’ve been equally attracted to both boys and girls – men and women close to my own age now, but yes, both genders. If it’s not clear enough – I’m bisexual. Here we go, I just said it. Dropped a bomb, gave a surprise, whatever you prefer. I’m not on the receiving end of surprise am I? Maybe I am, but that can be gotten over with.
Me? Surprised? Dude, it’s my sexual preference- why am I surprised? I never did attach much thought to my sexuality till recently- not really- I’ve had two major ‘crushes’ (both guys) and a host of other smaller infatuations – and this time, on both guys and girls. A few weeks ago, an incident – something someone mentioned (now I’ve forgotten where and who) sparked something in my brain that led to a chain of thought on my own sexuality. That was when I realised being attracted to both men and women wasn’t exactly heterosexual (or ‘straight’ if you prefer to use that). I was definitely not gay – it was two genders I was attracted to, one my own and the other, the so called ‘opposite’. I began to look around- talk to a few people – found others like me in the same places I looked, but never really ‘ looked carefully’. Finally, I discovered my own sexuality. For a next few weeks, I let that stew in my own brain. ‘It’s my sexuality,’ I thought, ‘ my personal and private life. Why should anyone else bother with it?’ And in the figurative closet I stayed. However, now this is out to the world. My coming out story. And I do not regret putting it out to the world.
I know I have taken a risk here. A lot of people will not like what I have written. And they have every right to. However, I may have cared about the ‘log kya kahenge’ trope before, but I don’t any more. It’s my sexual preference- and I don’t see why I should be affected by anyone else’s opinion of it. Even my parents don’t like my sexual orientation, but they’ve made it clear that they don’t have a problem with it for as long as this doesn’t compromise on the rest of my life.
This revelation has changed much – my outlook on sexuality and discrimination- now that I’ve been revealed as unconventional in one and on the receiving end of the other, and it feels like a lot’s been taken off my shoulders now that I know more about myself. However, nothing has really changed – nothing at all. I’m still the same Severus, only with a new facet added (or rather, discovered).
To those who’ll probably hate me for my guts, go ahead. But before you do,
1. My sexuality is not contagious – it’s a sexual preference. Don’t worry, you won’t be infected with bisexuality if you’re not bisexual.
2. No, this is not a ‘mental illness’ – it’s having a sexual orientation that’s different from yours and perfectly okay for mental health. Get over it.
3. I can’t say if it’s considered ‘sin’ or not- I haven’t read the relevant texts hard enough to say that, but if you think it is, that’s fine by me – I don’t, and that’s what matters to me.
4. You are entitled to your opinion- and I am entitled to mine. If our opinions are contradictory, then neither of us have any business trying to force our opinions onto the other. Consider that before you try to force me to look at the ‘error of my ways’. As for me, I’ll not force my opinion on you, neither will I give in to any forcing of opinion onto me.
That being said, welcome back to my blog. This time around, I’m documenting life as I see it. Because honestly, life’s one great adventure to go on.
– Severus Snape
‘ Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light’
– Dylan Thomas.